if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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