omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is not my ceiling
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
