there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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