You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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