just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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