You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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