god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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