Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You took a bar mat shot.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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