I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
