that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have fence marks all over my body
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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