The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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