The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
