she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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