I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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