pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
