I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
