Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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