so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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