Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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