belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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