i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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