I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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