she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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