I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
