I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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