id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
