Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
