All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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