Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
