I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
