I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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