her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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