so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
