Someone shit on the floor
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
