I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
