I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
