i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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