The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
