I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
