im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
