omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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