Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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