i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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