I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Damn victory sex feels great
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
