Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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