How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
