How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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