Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
