she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
