You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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