she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
