Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dick very happy bro
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize