dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
