I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
