I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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