u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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