i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
