I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
