smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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