im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
