She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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