We're facebook friends in real life
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
