I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
