Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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