Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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