When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
