I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
