cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
