I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
