i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
