He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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