So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
