How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
