guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just found a bag of teeth...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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