no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
