She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
