Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
