God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize